everything

I’ve been playing around with the idea of writing something like this for such a long time but I guess I’ve always convinced myself of a reason not to do so, I see so many people writing blogs to help people who suffer with ‘problems’ but half of them have never been through half the things they want to help, I guess maybe if my experiences of things can help even one person then my job is really done, this is just going to be split into mini segments about things really and you can just read whichever really effects you most.

FRIENDSHIP AND TRUST

I guess this is something that most people can relate too, I’ve been in the position where having masses of friends feels like the most important thing on the planet and honestly it isn’t worth feeling as shit as I did just to ‘look cool’. Between I think I’d say years nine to eleven I thought my friendship group was the greatest thing ever and it was great, but honestly I was only lying to myself, I was always someone’s second choice and I even remember one time when all my ‘friends’ were discussing a party they were planning and so I offered an idea to help because they couldn’t decide on something but one of them literally turned around and said to me ‘why are you helping? it’s not like you’re being invited anyway’ and that memory sticks in my mind so clearly, to be fair I have no idea why I stuck around for so long… last year I stopped being friends with them and at the time I felt like I’d made a huge mistake, it turned out pretty well – sure from then onwards I had one friend at school but I was so much happier than I ever had been previously because the one friend I did have actually liked me for just being me and enjoyed my company. The moral I want to leave here is friendship isn’t something you should sustain for the sake of it, only hold onto the ones that mean something because as long as you’re happy then fuck what everybody else does. Friends are people who make you feel good about yourself not the opposite.

the second point here is slightly smaller but none the less equally as important. trust is such a strange thing because as cliché as it sounds, it does take forever to build but seconds to destroy. everyone thinks loosing someone’s trust means loosing their friendship but this isn’t the case, actually loosing someone’s trust helps you learn more about a friendship… it teaches you the extent of your friendship. I still class people I know I can’t trust as close friends, some friends you know can’t keep secrets so you avoid telling them things, so see all let downs like that. recently I learnt that if you put too much trust into someone in the way that you feel like you tell each other everything and they’d never upset you and discover you’re wrong and that friendship was more one sided than you thought… it doesn’t make them a bad friend or bad person, it just helps you learn about them really because yes they hurt you and no they can’t regain your trust but to be hurt by somebody it shows how much you care about them and that’s reasoning enough to not let something destroy someone you even just feel safe to talk too. (I feel like I’m rambling now so let’s move on).

ANXIETY AND HEALTH ISSUES.

this is such a broad topic really but again something I can relate too and also I thought halfway through typing that I’m just gonna split this into two sub headings then if people like it I’ll write about other things later. lets be honest if you suffer with anxiety you’ll understand how it is the worst feeling ever sometimes, when you have to ring into work to talk to someone and just with every ring you feel your stomach grow into this tighter knot and people saying ‘just breath’ and thinking that it helps when honestly it doesn’t … tbh I have nothing helpful to say on this situation because honestly I haven’t overcome this myself yet so really we can suffer together it’ll be like a party.

Eating disorders, see that’s always such a touchy subject so all I want to get off my chest is my experience with it. Last summer (2014) I was diagnosed with a form of anorexia, I had a dangerously low BMI and I weighed about six and a half stone, just the thought of food made me feel sick so I went days with only hoola hoops in my system because that was about the only food I could keep down, some days I couldn’t get out of bed because of crippling stomach pains and everyone around me would say ‘just eat’ but please here’s some advice NEVER comment on someone with an ED’s food intake because it will intensify the issue because they become so aware that people are noticing, just as I started to recover about late November someone made an innocent comment saying ‘you look so much healthier, you’re eating so much more’ and I took that as ‘wow you look fat’. this caused a relapse that to be honest I’m struggling with. I struggle with something called purge eating which means that I wont eat for days on end but then I’ll just eat everything in sight randomly, you guys are so honest with us so really it felt wrong not being honest with you guys.

guess that’s the first blog post, I was gonna include things like bulling but I guess if this goes well i’ll do that later, p.s. none of this is for attention blah blah but just because I felt some advice from people actually in these positions is needed.

all the best

Michael

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